Your Penis Is Safe…For Cutting

By Indus Guise

In yet another of California’s meaningless cockfights, the ability for local governments to ban circumcisions ended up on the chopping block. Governor Jerry Brown has just signed a bill into law that makes banning circumcisions illegal. For those of you keeping track of that statement, it means that the ability to chop skin off your own dick or your son’s dick is a legally protected right in the great state of California. The signing of this law has metaphorically cut the head off of a small but growing group of people who support banning circumcisions in San Francisco, effectively leaving the rest of the group shafted. Small but determined groups like this can be resourceful, so you never know, this could be just the tip.

The argument is that circumcision is either a) an unnecessary surgery that can lead to sexual and health problems later on in life or b) a religious practice protected by the constitution. My thoughts are as follows: Both a and b are true, and furthermore, who the hell cares? Why can’t each man handle his own dick and be happy? Hell, fucking is an unnecessary, invasive procedure, but I guarantee that at least some of the 7,700 proponents of the no-dick-chopping law are doing that…well, maybe not.

But more to the point, why do we have politicians poking their heads into our private places like this? Things are hard enough as it is! Next they’re going to say that in order to cut the skin off your dick you need to be Jewish or Muslim, and just to make sure you’re not pulling a fast one we’ll need to monitor which of you are really Jews and Muslims. You know, to protect your civil rights, so here, just wear these armbands and BOOM we’re in the middle of another dick-tatorship. These politicians need to stop dicking around and get back to unfucking the economy.