By Sleazus Christ
I like Tracy Morgan. I think he’s a weird, demented, funny motherfucker. 30 Rock isn’t my favorite show or anything, but Morgan always cracks me up on it (Alec Baldwin is still better, though). I stopped watching SNL for anything other than schadenfreude a long time ago, but I still dug many of Morgan’s sketches.
With all that being said, fuck Tracy Morgan.
During a stand-up set a few days ago, Morgan went on a rant about how he’d “pull out a knife and stab” his son if the kid were gay.
Now before you say that I can’t take a joke and censorship is wrong, let me get this out of the way: I like dark comedy. I like fucked up jokes. Baby rape. 9/11. Whatever. If it’s done right, it’s some of the funniest shit out there. I’m not some knee-jerking asshole who can’t take a joke. David Cross and Louis C.K. are my boyz, homie. What pisses me off about Morgan’s bullshit is what followed his initial homophobic line. Morgan went on to say that “gay is a choice” and “God don’t make no mistakes.” He also said that homosexuality is something kids “learn from the media and programming.”
That’s when Morgan’s set stopped being about jokes and started being about his personal politics. And Tracy Morgan’s personal politics are fucking stupid. Don’t believe me? I’ll show you.
1. GAY IS A CHOICE
Why the fuck would any kid “choose” to be gay? Because he likes getting his ass kicked? Being depressed? Feeling worthless? Wanting to kill himself? If being gay was a choice, don’t you think most gay dudes would hop on some pussy right quick?
2. GOD DON’T MAKE NO MISTAKES
Really, dude? Is this kindergarten? Do you believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, too? Alright, whatever, God don’t make no mistakes. Let’s run with that. By that logic, God’s edicts to abstain from lying, pre-marital sex and eating shrimp must be just as important to Morgan. I bet he’s followed all those rules to the letter. Also, if God don’t make no mistakes, how is it that pieces of shit like Rush Limbaugh are roaming the earth in large numbers?
3. KIDS LEARN FROM THE MEDIA AND PROGRAMMING
I’ve learned a lot from the media. Mostly I’ve learned what products to buy because I’m bombarded by stupid fucking advertisements everywhere I go. What I didn’t learn from the media was how to be straight. You know how I learned to be straight? By trying (and failing) relentlessly to get laid. Because I like women. I didn’t need the media to tell me pussy is great any more than a gay dude needs the media to tell him cocks are great. The only time the media influenced my sexuality was when I’d watch shitty softcore pornos on Cinemax.
In conclusion, just shut the fuck up, dude. You may be funny (sometimes), but no one’s interested in your ignorant ideas about sexuality, religion, human nature and the media. Just make me laugh. I don’t want to do this Dennis Miller thing all over again.
Finally, as a black dude living in America, you’d think you’d have a little more empathy toward a minority being violently discriminated against. Next time you call someone a faggot, don’t be pissed if they tell you to go sit in the back of the bus.