A PSA on Child Molestation

Posted on 05. Jan, 2009 by Dallas VonKillbot in Videos

This is what nightmares are made out of.

Bibliophile 8/4/08: Goodbye

Posted on 06. Aug, 2008 by spencer in Literature

[With heavy hearts we bring you the last installment of Emilie Clark's Bibliophile column.]

You Say Goodbye, I Say, “Get Lost, I’m Reading”
So, I contemplated a lot of different ways to write this last column. I’ve never been especially good at goodbyes. When everyone else was crying at high school graduation, I was making stupid jokes and eyeing the exit. Part of that was because I hated high school so much, but there’s also a part of me that is unable to fully recognize that a change is coming, so that [...]

Some Actual Honest to God Good News For Once: 125,000 Gorillas Found in Congolese Jungle

Posted on 05. Aug, 2008 by Daniel Taylor in Environment

So lowland mountain gorillas aren’t quite as fucked as gorilla-ists thought they were. I’m gonna celebrate by buying a hummer, snorting some powedered tiger penis and dumping my engine oil into the street drain that flows directly into the local creek.

Wildlife researchers said Tuesday that they’ve discovered 125,000 western lowland gorillas deep in the forests of the Republic of Congo, calling it a major increase in the animal’s estimated population.
The Wildlife Conservation Society, based at New York’s Bronx Zoo, and the Republic of Congo said their census counted the newly [...]

Final Proof That Pete Wentz Can Maintain an Erection

Posted on 29. May, 2008 by Daniel Taylor in Lifestyle, Music

Though Fall Out Boy chairman and overall winnar of the music world Pete Wentz’s penis has been widely seen on the internetz, there was as of yet no HARD evidence that his use of anti-anxiety pills hadn’t made his rock as soft as his band’s. Now however, comes the announcement that Pete Wentz has won his very own fuck trophy with his new wife Ashlee Simpson:
"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. [...]

Synthesis Band You’ve Never Heard Of Band Of The Day: The Meltdowns

Posted on 27. May, 2008 by spencer in Band of the Day, Music

I can kinda feel The Meltdowns on several levels. The first track that came up, “Tonight We Dine,” reminds me of what Michael Jackson would put out if he were raised on the Papa Roach cover of his own “Smooth Criminal,” but then decided about a year and a half later that he was “too indie” for Papa Roach anymore, sold off his Ibanez 7-string and downloaded every Gang of Four track he could find on SoulSeek. Unfortunately, he still ended up with a shipwrecked career all because he fondled [...]

Penis Panic!!!

Posted on 24. Apr, 2008 by Ms. Nickels in Apocalypse, Blog, Comedy, Crime, Idiocy, Internet, Lifestyle, Science

Mom, Dad, don’t read this one. Do you ever have those times in your life where it seems like you keep seeing the same random things? Like that week where every time I had to stand in line for something, there would be a group of retarded people in front of me, taking FOREVER to place their orders and pay for their shit. EVEN when I had gone out of town. That was annoying and I’m glad it’s over. But this week it seems like everything comes back to The [...]

WTF?

Posted on 30. Jan, 2008 by Ms. Nickels in Art, Blog, Idiocy, Internet

Oh come on, gimme some funny captions. Here’s mine: “Not thorny, but horny.”