Hell Fuck Yeah! Spencer’s Back
Posted on 03. Jul, 2008 by spencer in Chico, Music
Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies [...]
58% of Black Children Can’t Swim
Posted on 01. May, 2008 by Daniel Taylor in Lifestyle, Sports
White Men Can’t Jump, but a recent report shows Black Kids Can’t Swim:
Nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, almost twice the figure for white children, according to a first-of-its-kind survey. Stark statistics underlie the initiative by the national governing body for swimming. Black children drown at a rate almost three times the overall rate. And less than 2 percent of USA Swimming’s nearly 252,000 members who swim competitively year-round are black.
Of course, like many of the societal ills facing the African American community, not being able to swim [...]
3rd Graders Plot to Attack their Teacher
Posted on 02. Apr, 2008 by AJ in Blog, Crime
A Georgia elementary school teacher was in for a surprise last Friday when 8-9 of her students, both boys and girls, planned to bind and stab her after being angered over the scolding of a fellow student for standing on a chair. The extent of the students’ planning and premeditated preparation is astonishing:
Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife.
The scheme involved a division [...]
New For Prostitots: Removable Tramp Stamp Tattoos at Toys R Us! Totally Vomitous!
Posted on 28. Mar, 2008 by spencer in Apocalypse, Fashion, Idiocy, Lifestyle
So last night Synthesis designer www.RyanWheaton.co.uk hit me up and sent me a link to Cockeyed.com, which is a pretty cool site containing articles of wonderful randomness (Pranks? Naughty food items? 1,000 photos of some grrl named Amber? You got it!). The piece in question was a blog about removable tattoos available at Toys R Us. But not the lovable ladybug / smiley-sun / rainbows-and-pot-of-gold icons I remember from my removable tattoo days. No. Removable Lower back Tattoos. Fucking Tramp Stamps for Kiddies.
Now, I’m no prude. I [...]
Serioulsy, China Wants To Kill Our Children
Posted on 09. Nov, 2007 by spencer in Lifestyle
Remember the other day when I was going on about Aqua Dots and Bindeez, and how China is poisoning our children in an attempt to wipe out our future generations? More lead paint products were recalled today.
Name of Product: Children’s Fashion Sunglasses
Units: About 51,000
Importer/Distributor: Dolgencorp Inc., of Goodlettsville, Tenn.
Hazard: The yellow surface paint on the sunglasses may contain excessive levels of lead, violating the federal lead paint standard.Description: The recall involves yellow children’s sunglasses. No other colors of sunglasses are included in this recall. The word “CHINA” is printed [...]
Aqua Dots: Because It’s Never Too Early To Start Your Children on Psychedelic Drugs
Posted on 07. Nov, 2007 by spencer in Idiocy, Lifestyle, Science
I had never heard of Aqua Dots or Bindeez Beads until yesterday, when it was announced that their manufacturer is recalling all the Aqua Dots in Australia and the US. As it turns out, when ingested, that shit turns into something close to GHB (a common type of roofie) once inside your body.
They look just plain delicious, don’t they?
So where, exactly, were the Bindeez/Aqua Dots manufactured? Where else but the leading producer of fuck-your-kids-up-with-lead-paint, and favorite US trading partner, China.
From Moose World:
The company’s products, which are manufactured by [...]
Superbug – QUICK! EVERYBODY PANIC!
Posted on 17. Oct, 2007 by spencer in Idiocy, Lifestyle
QUICK! EVERYBODY PANIC!
There is a strain of staph infection on the loose and it’s COMING STRAIGHT FOR YOU!
It goes in your EAR and is more deadly than HIV.
Not even our children are safe. It’s TARGETING OUR YOUNG!
There’s NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO KEEP SAFE FROM THE SUPERBUG!
Companies are positioning themselves to MAKE MONEY OFF YOUR MISERY!
Staphylococcus aureus! Streptococcus pneunomiae! HELP!!!!!!!!!
Actually, back when I had cable television, I remember watching a show on the History Channel about WWI, and how an outbreak of tuberculoses or some shit shortly after the [...]
