By Stephanie McKinny
You know when you’re walking along say, oh I don’t know – the fragrantly urine scented streets of San Francisco, and you come across a chap or lass who is talking to his or herself and then they see you, and start yelling at you, and about 63% of the time start throwing things – usually pieces of their “home” – at you? Well, have you ever wondered what would happen if one of those people learned to write, got behind a mic or say, tried to file a lawsuit? P. Diddy does. Diddy does. Puffy does. They all do, because said sir is the target of the latest – and greatest, in my opinion – f***ing space-case lawsuits to hit a celebrity. Some woman – a gem of a woman named Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks – is accusing Diddy, his ex-girlfriend Kim and wait for it… Rodney King, of masterminding the World Trade Center tragedy, 9-11 in general and some rape. She says it all started in 2001 and spanned all the way until 2010, but that somehow her 23-year-old son is his. Math skills – check! She explains:
“He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.”
That’s not it. Not even close:
“[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.”
What does this remind me of? I swear, this reminds me of something but I just can’t put my finger on it. Oh, wait…this. But this isn’t the end of this woman’s woes; it seems she’s suffered some substantial financial blows as well:
“Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us.”
Call me crazy, but I believe her. I completely believe that she’s been to a Mississippi casino in her lifetime. Other than that, obviously the woman is bat-shit crazy and I really am scared for her children that she speaks of. Valerie is asking for the totally feasible, totally not insane amount of $900 billion dollars in child support, and $100 billion dollars for her financial troubles. Oh, and a restraining order to stop P. Diddy from all that crushing. Which the judge denied. A hearing is set for the 31st of this month. This should be ten kinds of titillating.