[Once again Synthesis Blog brings you the rambling wisdom and sagacious meditations of our Synthesis Weekly columnist, Mad Bob Howard. The reclusive and gun-toting Mad Bob can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org]
Reverend Wright and the Death of the Original Day Tripper
Believe me, I desperately want to stop writing about politics as much as you probably want to stop reading about them, but everyday I listen to another outrage or episode on the news and my fingers just take over and start doing their little politics tap-dance on these black plastic keys! I am not in control here! I’m a junkie and I’ve got it bad. I’m shaking and slobbering like a dog, vibrating and contorting; there’s a twitch, a spasm. Damn these fits! There’s only one fix for the political junkie, and right now a fresh new batch of the good strong stuff has hit the streets. So politics it is my fine friends. Bend over and get ready for another five swipes with the paddle â€” or maybe the switch grass. Corporal punishment is alive and well here in the Immaculate Infection.
Reverend Wright and the National Media Launch Torpedo Attack: A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article in support of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. I stand by what I said; I think the Reverend is accurate when he says our nation was founded on racism and that our foreign policy has very much to do with our current â€œterrorismâ€ woes. I also denounced the national media for taking his quotes out of context and replaying them on endless loop in order to paint the man as a radical zealot.
Unfortunately, it seems that Reverend Jeremiah Wright has taken a liking to the national media spotlight. Apparently a combination of failure to grasp the way this national media machine works and an ego-driven need for attention have rendered in him an inability to understand a fundamental fact.
Right now, every time Reverend Jeremiah Wright opens his mouth it will only hurt Senator Barack Obama’s chance to get into the White House. The story has already been framed by the national media; all they are looking for now is a handful of seven-second quotes to color their paint by numbers picture. The Revered has obliged willingly â€” stepped into the oncoming train that is the National Press Club and unleashed another political firestorm for Obama’s camp to try and desperately extinguish.
My sources tell me that Hillary Clinton came as close as she has in decades to having an orgasm while she watched Wright roll his eyes, flippantly dismiss the intrusive media questions, and deliver a Sunday-style sermon to a cynical godless media ready and waiting to pounce on any hyperbole that might be twisted to fit a landscape littered with but thirsting for more blood. On the other side of the aisle, John McCain witnessed the spectacle and politely dismissed himself to the restroom to jack himself off. Rush Limbaugh was so happy he popped a half-dozen oxys and washed them down with a half a pint of whiskey.
[More advice for Rev Wright, and a look back on the person who accidentally discovered LSD after the jump.]
So Reverend Jeremiah Wright: while I agree with much of what you have to say, if you want Obama in the White House then it is time for you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
That being said, isn’t it amazing that the best they can come up with to hobble Obama with is the comments of his pastor? Obama has to defend things he’s never even said! And to make matters even more implausible, this desperate attack is actually working.
R.I.P. Albert Hoffman: The man who discovered the psychedelic compound Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (aka L.S.D., acid, trip, blotter acid, window pane, dots, mellow yellow*) and took a mystifying bicycle ride while under the influence of the first (massive) dose of it has died in Switzerland at the age of 102. Hoffman had hoped the drug would eventually be used successfully for psychiatric treatment, and studies I have read show that it’s extremely effective in treating addiction (maybe I can use it to kick this politics habit I’ve acquired). Instead the drug became popular recreationally and was banned by the US Government in 1966.
Divine Sage: Speaking of; the local television news just ran a story suggesting that teens buy Salvia Divinorum over the Internet before it is outlawed by the State government. A â€œfriend of mineâ€ has tried this Salvia and tells me it creates some unique visuals and is a ball to listen to music with while also on nitrous, but that it leaves a nasty psychic hangover that lasts for weeks.
My â€œfriendâ€ tells me he’d stick with clean L.S.D. any day of the week!
*I’m not sure about â€œmellow yellowâ€ as a term for acid, I always thought that referred to scraped and dried banana peels, but I got these slang terms from the DEA website.