By Stephanie McKinny
There are three parts to this story. They’re escalating parts; the degrees of WTF heighten gradually. Here’s the first part: A Florida woman named Hersha Howard – WHY does everything psychotic always happen in Florida?! – decided she wanted a little midnight snack and went for her Girl Scout Thin Mints. Hersha couldn’t find her cookies. Hersha got pissed. So pissed, in fact, that she decided to wake her roommate up in a full on Thin Mint withdrawal tirade. She began screaming and yelling and jumped on top of her roommate, and basically started beating the ever living shit out of her. Hersha has had a box or two or 70 in her lifetime because she allegedly weighs 400lbs. That’s a lot to be attacked with in the wee hours of the morning. Here’s the second part: The roommate’s husband pulls them apart and Hersha starts running after her – with a pair of scissors. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for big ass Hersha, because she then picked up a board and started beating her with that. What I would like to know is, where the hell in your house do you just find loose boards lying around? Is your house under construction or something? What the hell? Anyway, part three: The big ass bully ditches the board, jumps on top of her poor roommate and – wait for it – bites her tit. Wow. I think I’d kill her. Howard was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. I wonder if that deadly weapon was her big fat ass.