Lou Reed Is Out of His Goddamned Mind
Published on September 14, 2011 by some guy · 8 Comments
by Jacob Sprecher
Have you heard about this, Ed? Did you know about this? Lou Reed and Metallica just announced the full tracklist for Lulu, aka what is sure to be one of the worst collaborations in the history of rock music. If the above information is entirely new, all you really need to know is that Reed and Metallica are in cahoots, and that the forthcoming 10-song effort will include a 19-and-a-half minute closer entitled “Junior Dad.” Oh, and there’s also two songs that clock in at 11 minutes (“Cheat On Me” and “Dragon”).
So let me beg the question: When exactly did Lou Reed officially crack his curly headed nut? Jesus Christ. This whole thing stinks worse than Chickenfoot. And by that I mean no press outlet worth half a bumblebee nickel ever took that schlocky supergroup seriously. But with the unfounded wealth of legitimate rock ‘n’ roll cred that both Reed and Metallica accumulated in their respective heydays, the Rolling Stone’s and Z-Rocks of the world are going to slurp this shit up like runny ice cream, and it’s already making me ill. I mean come on! Lou Reed and Metallica?? Did you see their ridiculous Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame performance of “Sweet Jane”? It was a goddamn butt-rock extravaganza! And it’s not even that I expect Lulu to be butthole-ish; on the contrary. With the length of the tracks listed above, I expect a full dose of masturbatory crap from an artist and band that seem completely incapable of riding off into the sunset.
But in many ways, this pairing is a perfect fit. On the one hand you’ve got Lou Reed, father of the Velvet Underground, the most influential rock ‘n’ roll outfit to ever exist outside the mainstream. Reed’s solo career flourished throughout the 70s (Transformer, Berlin, Metal Machine Music, Coney Island Baby), even through the misses (Sally Can’t Dance, Rock and Roll Heart), and maintained bits of magic as late as 1990 (Songs For Drella). But the past 20 years have seen both fans and critics alike shun most everything Reed has put forth, be it conceptualizing Edgar Allen Poe or leaping into the world of meditation/relaxation. And that’s not to say old Lou should simply hang up the sneakers; it’s his life, he can do what he wants, and he will. But Metallica? This is how he decides to comeback into the national spotlight? With a band that operates more as a punchline than a group of respected musicians at this point?
Of course Metallica are deserved legends in their own right, pioneering thrash and metal at large, yada, yada, we all know the story. But we also know that they’ve sucked for 20 straight years, along the way denigrating their professional reputation to the highest status of greed-driven, egomaniacal rockstars. Which is of course perfect for Reed, who’s always been a megalomaniac, and continues as such to to this day. I’m actually surprised they managed to keep his mug off the cover, as Reed’s face has graced the front of literally every single solo album he’s ever released with the exception of his two namesakes, Lou Reed and Lou Reed’s Inner Spaces. But he obviously needed some sort of personal bump, as they dubbed the fucking thing Lulu.
So we can see, by comparison of career path and ego, that it does makes sense that these two would link up. But beyond that it’s totally insane. There’s never been anything about Lou Reed’s music that screamed Metallica (and don’t say Metal Machine Music–that’s an entirely separate trip), and there’s never been anything about Metallica that’s screamed Lou Reed. Stylistically speaking, the pairing is completely arbitrary. And I’m sure in some deranged circles, people would shout, “Say hey! What about Public Enemy and Anthrax, Run DMC and Aerosmith?” Well, I hate to break it, but this ain’t the rock-hop merger of ‘86. This is a merger of no value to musically exclusive styles. It is again, quite simply, masturbatory. It’s a bunch aging stars looking for a way to stay relevant, who in the process will further sacrifice their already diminished contemporary notoriety. Fuck it, I guess. Their lives, their legacies. Nobody’s gonna remember in five years anyway.
UPDATE: If you’re one who thinks I’m being a “pretentious dickwad,” have a listen to the 30-second sample released today. Enjoy!
Tags: bad idea, collaboration, joke, Lou Reed, lulu, Metallica, rock n roll hall of fame, velvet underground
“…denigrating their professional reputation to the highest status of greed-driven, egomaniacal rockstars.”
Statements without facts are awesome. Considering that they’re enjoying more success now than at any time since the Black Album, I find this comment funny.
Even more funny if you consider they’ve taken Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax on their STADIUM tour and allowed those bands to play in front of the largest crowds of their careers.
Still funnier when you consider they’re playing their 30th Anniversary shows in December for the EGOMANICAL price of $6 per show.
Oh and the ’08-’10 world tour? Tickets were the same as their ’03-’05 tour and they gave everyone with a ticket a free download of the show.
Egomanical rockstars, indeed.
I think the guy who wrote this,, is, well, pathetic, no one has heard any piece of music of this album and he is complaining, well, you obviously have to do another job for a life, working at a music store maybe? haha
Are you trolling or are you just a tool?
Hey, Fuckwit! Have you HEARD the album? No? Well shut the fuck up until you do you pretentious dickwad.
No fun. My babe. No fun.
I was pointed to this article by some people in Chico, my hometown musically and otherwise, who I love and respect. They felt it important that I read it, even after years of being away from the Synthesis, a publication I always loved and respected, and have even been written about within.
Anyone who calls out a critic for being simply that is just an asshole, but if one opinion is heard I believe another deserves to be. I, like millions, am a fan of Lou Reed’s legacy and I would never deny his relevance and contributions. I am (myself) a bigger fan of Metallica, often called the “Zeppelin of my generation”, and have always considered them an important part of my evolution as a musician and human.
As to Lou Reed, I did see the performance at the Garden, and I myself was very happy with the amount of respect, honor, and reverance that the boys in the mighty Met treated him with. They looked like kids on stage, and it made me smile to watch them play. I could criticize their performance, as I could any band’s, but that’s not what that performance was about. Metallica are CHOOSING to collaborate with Lou because they want to, they obviously don’t need the money, but maybe Lou does. They’re certainly doing him a huge service and they are also probably introducing him to a new and wider audience than he could attract on his own. If I know him like I think I do, he’s probably very thankful.
As to Metallica being some sort of “punchline”, well, I gotta stop ya there. First of all, those guys aren’t still supposed to be here, I’m sure you agree. But they are. Those of us who are musicians have seen a million bands that do what Metallica does, I personally have been in a million bands that have been trying to do what Metallica does, but if you look at their most recent efforts live and in the studio, they remind all of us that no matter what, those guys are still the BEST at what they do, whether you like them or not. Also, I think that the fact that they still sell out stadiums for multiple nights all over the world is not any sort of punchline, in fact it’s not funny at all, and it deserves respect. They could collaborate with Katie Perry, polish a steaming turd and put in on wax, and millions will still buy that record, and the concert ticket to go with it. Metallica is one of the few bands left who can do whatever in the world they want with nothing but dollar signs as the consequence.
As to Chickenfoot, I personally had the opportunity to attend a rehearsal through an esteemed colleague’s connection. I should also say that I personally was excited for this record. Guitar players like myself who have the (mis)fortune of making a full time living as a performer, considered this record a sigh of relief, it helped us sleep at night knowing that our beloved artform was still getting perpetuated. That record actually made MY job easier! At said rehearsal, I saw four esteemed veterans of rock music, rehearsing diligently and proficiently until the sound was achieved, all the while laughing like schoolkids. Make no mistake, those guys WANTED to play in a band together, after years of unresolved conflicts in their respective bands and solo careers. And again, the numbers don’t lie, they did well.
There are many collaborations and reunions and such out there that we can clearly see are purely for money and have no artistry involved, and by no means would I ever try to deny ANY musician the opportunity to make a living, take the money and run, fellas. But I don’t see LuLu as being one of them, I see this as two of the 20th century’s greatest artists coming together by their own fortitude and making the music that they want to make, regardless of how long the track times are. I just wanna hear ‘em play, so I’m stoked. Most of us in the trenches of show business should be so lucky as to have that kind of opportunity. I guess what I’m saying is, leave ‘em the f*ck alone.
Lastly, I spent a number of years in Chico attaining a music degree, building a career, learning how to do my job, performing, and teaching. I hold the Synthesis and all aspects of the Chico entertainment world very dear to my heart, and I personally wish ALL aspiring Chico musicians to hang in there and continue to do good work. Thanks also to the Chico community for still continuing on some level to support real, live entertainment, and to the Synthesis for writing about it. I hope to be back soon. Good luck!
u spastic
I’ve been a fan of Lou’s for life, and you’re absolutely right, nothing since Drella has had any value… And Metallica? Loud… Gloomy… Too much Hair… Maybe Lou’s tired of having only college educated fans…