Audrina Partridge Just Stole My Seat…

Posted on 31. Dec, 2008 by Dallas VonKillbot in Idiocy, Sex, TV

... kinda. Let me expand a bit.

So because there's been several reports of celebrities floating around Cabo San Lucas recently, our boss Bill has sent me down to see if we can get semi-nude pics of Spencer and Heidi or if I can finally get that kiss from Katy Perry that Video Matt didn't end up asking for at Warped Tour (rumor has it shes floating around here somewhere). Thus far, I've done none of the above and managed to sunburn my armpits, something I previously didn't know what was possible.

After eating a lunch down the beach and fending off the 30 or so people trying to sell me the same crappy shirts and trinkets, I headed back to the villa to drop off my shirt by the pool, and headed  down to the beach to jump in the ocean for a second.  After coming back poolside, I realize that my lounge chair and books have been slotted back quite a bit. Needing as much sunlight as my pasty-ass skin can take, I was a little taken back that someone had moved my shit.

After little small talk with my traveling buddies, I realize that the bean-pole-esque figure standing awkwardly poolside had something to do with the whole situation. Donning a big floppy hat for her oversized skull (really, her head just looks bigger in real life), there was Audrina Partridge, drinking some fruity little drink and hanging out with 2 dudes and some out of place, fully clothed chick. Don't get me wrong, the girl is every bit as hot as she comes off on TV, but the fact that she's as thick as one of my calves is kind of disturbing. There's no real way to convey the whole thing besides truly believing in the fact that on The Hills shes already sickly thin, and they say the camera adds ten pounds. Anyways, to anyone as effeminate as me (or perhaps the 2 girls that actually visit our humble blog), the answer is no, Justin-Bobby was not with her.  As I sat back, I watched their entourage go back to and from the seats aimlessly until they finally took off, presumably to their room.  Finally, once out of view, a simultaneous slew of voices from the 20-somethings gathered around the edges of the pool let out a muffled but clear "She needs to eat something!". I found myself chuckling, and was no longer in turmoil over the fact my stuff had been moved.

After rereading that whole last paragraph, I feel just a tad bit gay. To reinstate my masculinity, or perhaps to somehow get back at Ms. Partridge after somehow being involved with my stuff getting moved around, HERE's the link to her naked pictures she took pre-MTV stardom.

I'll be doing some very, very professional journalism tonight out on the streets of Cabo, trying to get some pictures of someone important doing something stupid, before returning back to the office come the weekend. Details (hopefully) to follow, but in the meantime, everyone have a safe New Year's Eve...  I'll be hammered.